// Monday, October 22, 2012
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1:06 AM |
 Dear Diary, Yeah, my happiness slowly fades as I grow older. Time and again, something just have to remind me of how short life is.. It sounds LONG but man ~ A duration of a life-time is always a question to everyone. Of course it is, you mean you know how old you can live to ? No one knows, and that is why it is a question without an answer .. and boy does that sound scary ! Well, even if you estimate your lifetime, say 50? or 60? and you're now probably 21 if you're at my age, how long does 39 year sound, when time really fly so fast ~ 39 years would feel like 39months when you're 60. Then, it will lead to many old sayings of " lead your life to the fullest " .. Well, here's the reason why my happiness is fading because leading life to the fullest is equivalent to more uncertainties. My next few question would be "How much is FULLEST? Can it be measured?" When I was 5-6 years old, leading life to the fullest is having my fav snack, watching my fav cartoon and having the latest toys. When I was 9-10 years old, leading life to the fullest means having friends, having and attending birthday parties. When I was 13-15 years old, leading life to the fullest is trying out new things with new friends, feeling pretty, having the having a part-time job and spending time with friends after school . When I was 17-20 years old, leading life to the fullest is being able to earn more money for the things I want, having more friends and social network, catching up with the latest hot-stuffs and graduating with a cert and collecting more experiences to prepare for the working life. Now as I am 21, leading time to the fullest means having ways to make more money, being able to blend into the society, being able to preparing for the future, thinking about what I really want and what I should do for the future. Its all about serious planning, being responsible for the decisions you have made. And the fact that we only have 1 life, we cant afford to make any huge mistake. But what contradicts is that we LEARN from mistakes .. Now, have you noticed how much each paragraph expands ? Well and it truely shows how lost I am about knowing what exactly is leading life to the fullest .. As a girl, our worries EXPANDS beyond just what we want in the future (as usual). Our main worry too, is who we want to be with in the future. Well, in this century, many girls are more independent.. They do not share the same worry but to me, how can life be more meaningful, if you do not have children and a husband to go home to ? In the past, I worry about not studying for my exams, I worry about not having enough friends, I worry about not being able to hang out with my friends .... Well, its part and parcel of life, anyone who goes tru that stage would worry for things we called "childish" at this age of mine, we all know we have much serious problems as an adult .. Bills, career advancement, financial ability and etc .. All would tell how well you are doing and if you're not doing well, the next question would be WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING ? & i learnt this from my bf - Just take a few minutes, look into the mirror, say your name and your age out loud - then think and ask yourself WHAT HAVE YOU ACHIEVED AT THIS AGE ... What I wanna say is - as we grow older, our definition of happiness change & the thing that once made us happy lost its power in doing so ... & there's not going back, no more. xoxo Madkid |
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